Dedicated to reaching women in the sex industry and empower them to discover they are loved, valued and cherished
www.wearecherished.com
Six months ago I was sitting in my run-down apartment, a crack pipe in my mouth, lonely, scared, and thinking my life was about to end. I was consumed by so much guilt and shame. I felt like I was in a dark cave, with a big rock blocking the entrance. I could not move.
At 19 years old I started working in a topless bar called DeJaVu. What drew me was an ad in the newspaper saying "If you like rock-n-roll music, and love to party while making $500-$1000 a week as a young girl, this is the job for you!" I didn't know what the job entailed, but it sounded fun and I checked it out. After persistent coaxing from a gorgeous manager and a lot of alcohol, I was on the stage........
The first night I was a full blown alcoholic and within a month was introduced to cocaine. The security guard would give me a "snort" to wake me up from my drunken stupor before my next set. When I was on that white, I felt like I could do anything. I could have the most intelligent conversations (I thought) and could dance all night.
10 years later I could not live without cocaine, spending money as soon as I made it to support my habit. The lining on my nose had worn so thin I could no longer snort it, so I free based it. This was a whole new world. I no longer made it to work because I was too busy getting high. I couldn't put the pipe down, so I started selling my body to the drug dealers to get high.
As a child, I had been raised in Church, but never had a relationship with God. I had a lot of Bible knowledge, but never knew God on a personal level until I went to prison. While I was there, I had nothing to do but read the Bible, do Bible Studies and go to Church meetings.
One day, feeling completely hopeless, I heard a message that God loved me despite all I had done and how I sinned. I had never heard that before. I always thought God didn't love me, he didn't like sinners, and he was going to send me to hell. I thought after all the pain I had caused my family, there was no way He would love me.
When I got out of prison, I had a new outlook on life, I was saved. The world looked different, beautiful.....I loved and was loved. I was changed and my goal in life was to be a servant for Christ. I met a wonderful man (I thought) who was the praise and worship leader at the church I was going to. His testimony was like mine: delivered from drugs, alcohol and a life of crime. Three months later, we were married. He was a wolf in sheep's clothing.
Two months into marriage, he relapsed, started sleeping around, stole and pawned everything possible. I was devastated; my heart was utterly broken as I sunk into a deep depression. The only thing I knew that could take the pain away was drugs.
I went back into prostitution and drugs. I knew this time I would not get out of my situation alive. Only a miracle would save me.
Pimps and Johns were after my money because I had tricked them into paying me and got out of the services they paid for. It was a living hell. I had my crack, but it wasn't working any more. I finally reached my bottom. The pipe in my mouth and tears rolling down my face, I prayed with all my heart, "God, I know you do love me. I am desperate, please help me out....I can't live like this anymore. I can't do this my way anymore.....please help me or I will die."
As soon as I set the pipe down, there was a knock on the door. It was my caseworker from the housing program I was in. She said I had thirty days to get out of the apartment or they were going to turn me into the police for drug trafficking and prostitution. They knew I needed help and gave me the number to a rehab center. I knew at that moment, God gave me a way out. I was accepted into the rehab on March 22nd, 2013. While in rehab, one of the counselors heard my story and recommended a wonderful support group for women. My spirit fluttered (like a butterfly) deep within me when she said "We Are Cherished."
I've been clean and out of the industry almost six months! My son and my youngest daughter are in my custody. I have a job, and I see my other 2 daughters three or four days every week. Before I was clean, I thought I would never see them again. God is restoring my family, and I am free. I know that I can go through hard times and struggles without having to use drugs or sell my body. I am a new creation.
Cherished has shown me the love I thought I never deserved. Now I know who I am in Christ. I am made in His righteousness. I am beautifully and wonderfully made. I no longer have to live by sight, but by faith. I know that if I seek him first, ALL things will fall into place. I no longer have to fear, guilt and shame. I AM FREE.
*Name has been changed to protect Butterfly's identity.
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