Pastoral Ministry: Casualties from the Frontline

Pastoral Ministry: Casualties from the Frontline
Helping the Walking Wounded, Soldiers of a Different Kind

by Dawn Irons, M.A., LPC


 I recently ran across an insightful article on ChurchLeaders.com titled 10 Real Reasons Pastors Quit Too Soon by Tim Peters.  Being a ministerial wife for almost 20 years, I read through the article sadly and slowly nodding my head. I recognized the signs and symptoms, not only from my own life and marriage, but from the vast majority of pastors and wives we have known over our 20 years of ministry.


 Tim Peters listed the 10 reasons pastors quit as:

•  Discouragement
•  Failure
•  Loneliness
•  Moral Failure
•  Financial Pressure
•  Anger
•  Burnout
•  Physical Health
•  Marriage/Family Problems
•  Too Busy/Driven

 Pastoral Care, Inc. provides some statistics that might be eye-opening to the average congregation. Do we really know what kind of struggle and daily warfare that comes against our pastors? Do we know how to effectively pray for those who serve in ministry?  The following statistics are worth making a prayer list for your pastor:

•  50% of pastors report feeling so discouraged they would leave the ministry if they could.
•  70% of pastors say they have lower self-esteem now than when they started
•  70% of pastors say they do not have someone they consider a close friend
•  33% of pastors confess having been involved in inappropriate sexual behavior
•  70% of pastors feel grossly underpaid
•  Each year 4,000 new churches begin and 7,000 churches close
•  90% of pastors report working between 55-75 hours per week
•  75% of pastors report a significant stress-related crisis at least once in their ministry
•  80% of pastors believe pastoral ministry has negatively affected their families
•  90% of pastors feel they are inadequately trained to cope with the ministry demands

 To truly read and understand what these statistics mean and pair them with the top 10 reasons pastors quit the ministry is very sobering. As a Christian Counselor and ministerial wife I have such a passion to reach out and help pastoral couples in ministerial crisis. Although Tim Peters' article was very succinct in bringing these issues to the light, it stopped short of offering solutions or ideas to address these issues from a congregational standpoint and then a personal stand point from the pastoral family.

 Over the next few months I will be taking some of these issues and expounding on them from a therapeutic perspective in regaining health and balance for those serving in ministry. I will also challenge the church congregation to activate and help bear the load of ministry. After all, the scriptural challenge given to a pastor is found in Ephesians 4:11-12. In referring to Jesus himself, this passage states, " It was he (Jesus) who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up."  I often wonder if the congregation was doing its part, would the pastors be less likely to burn out?   According to the reasons and statistics shared above, not only are the pastors training and equipping the saints, but it appears the saints may not be doing the work of the ministry and that is leaving  pastors working 55-75 hours a week on things the saints who have been equipped should be doing.

 

 

 This article is not one of condemnation. It is a challenge to the church and to pastors to really evaluate “how we are doing church."  I want this article to be a "clarion call", a direct public request for people to take action.  In this article I will tackle the subject matter of pastoral discouragement and sense of failure.

 

Pastoral Discouragement & Sense of Failure   Many years ago when I was a student at the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor, a young Christian artist by the name of Rebecca St. James came to our campus. She had a beautiful Australian accent.  So when she made the comment, "Where I come from a Pastor (pronounced "Pasta" with her accent) is someone who leads a church. Here in America a "Pasta" is something you eat for lunch."  As the audience broke out in laughter, my husband and I looked at each other and said, "No! It's BOTH here!"

How Often Do You Eat Your Pastor For Lunch?


 Sometimes pastors can't win for losing. It matters not whether it is the senior pastor or the worship pastor or any pastor. Someone somewhere always has an opinion and will freely share it with any available ear. The service was long today. The music was too loud. We don't sing enough hymns. We don't sing enough contemporary music. The pastor’s children seem to always to have behavior problems. The pastor's wife is so "stand-offish"- she must think she is better than everyone else… and on it goes. It rarely ever stops. This "Pasta" lunch just might be what started the carbohydrate overload in our country!

 Church members tend to believe what they say will never get back to the pastor. News flash!! It always gets back to the pastor. And he walks around with a discouragement in his heart as you prepare for your next "pasta" dish.

 

 

Pastoral Wives: Beware of the "will you tell your husband….." request from a church member


 You have seen your husband's discouragement up close and personal.  Although this simple request may seem benign, it is actually very manipulative on the part of the person making the request.  This comment on occasion may be positive, but more likely it will be some sort of backdoor complaint. 

 If the request is positive-adamantly encourage the person to tell your husband that positive message personally. Your husband needs to hear encouragement from someone other than you. He knows you are in his corner! When the information is negative-it is a diabolical scheme of the enemy to be able to use you, his God-given helpmeet, to be the source of delivering discouragement. Don't fall for that grave error! 

 

 

When the Church is at a Stalemate over Tradition vs. Contemporary


 This seems to be the battle du jour. This debate has split churches right down the middle.  Know this… a church of 100 people that splits does not equal 2 new churches of 50 people. It boils down to 2 new churches of 15 people each, and 70 people who will never return to church in their lifetime. Battles like this cause more discouragement and feelings of failure for pastors than will ever be calculated. It is a no-win battle.

The statistic we spoke of earlier, "each year 4,000 new churches begin and 7,000 churches close" was an eye-opener for me. I see a potential cause for concern when I look at that statistic in regards to this stalemate over contemporary vs. traditional that keeps our pastors buckled under discouragement.  It is not a huge leap to connect some dots here.  When contemporaries and traditionals come to a place of irreconcilable differences churches often do split.  What this statistic may imply is that more contemporary churches are breaking away and beginning new churches and those who hold fast and immovable to a 1950's church model of traditional worship only end up closing down as the aging congregation eventually passes on to be with the Lord.

 

 

 The baby boomer generation is the largest segment of population right now on our planet.  These are our senior adults who often prefer more traditional churches.  The hope and goal would be that, rather than let churches split over styles of worship, that we attempt to meet the needs of both traditional and contemporary worshipers.  Sometimes that does mean separate services.  Sometimes blended services are a good compromise. Other times blended services prove to be the final death nail in the coffin of a church that splits. When you look at the dilemma of contemporary and traditional worship we are comparing apples and oranges. Both are beautiful and essential fruit God has given us. But a blender is still a blender… is destroys what is the natural state of a substance and turns it into something unrecognizable and utterly destroyed.  Sure, some people love smoothies! But looking at the church statistics, this is not what is happening.  Each year 4,000 new churches start (very possibly contemporaries who broke away from a church that refused to move towards a more contemporary service to reach a new generation of lost souls.) Each year 7,000 churches close (very possibly the remnants of traditional church that refused to reach out to the next generation. The traditions that were so dearly loved and treasured will likely fade away as the church closes and those people cross the finish line and enter their eternal rest.

 

 

This battle is one of the most discouraging battles for pastors.  This battle, almost without fail, leaves a pastor feeling like a complete failure. A pastor with a shepherd's heart desires unity in his body of believers. But the mistake is often made that to allow both contemporary and traditional services makes for a divided church. It does not. In fact, it is the biblical principle of preferring one another over yourself personified.  It makes room for the needs of all the people. These two groups of worshipers still fellowship at church events together. They still love one another. And a greater respect of tradition is honored by the contemporaries when room is made for them to worship God in a manner they are able to connect with the Lord.

 

 

Mamma Was Right!

 There is an old saying that most of our moms taught us early in childhood:  "If you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all."

 

 

 If you know a pastor, there is a 50/50 chance they are living under the weight of extreme discouragement and would quit the ministry if they could.  People so frequently share their complaints, but they are rather timid about sharing their appreciation and encouragement.  Your pastor needs affirmation. Your pastor needs encouragement. Your pastor desperately needs prayer. If you find you have nothing kind to say to or about your pastor, then pray.  The heart that needs changing may be your own.  Been there, done that. Trust me on this one. When your heart is discouraged toward your pastor, consider praying.  His discouragement is often just a keen discernment of what you are feeling and sharing with everyone but him about your grievance.

 

What you can do to lighten the load of your pastor?


 Are you willing to take a challenge? Ask yourself if you have been trained and equipped by your pastor to do the work of the ministry. If you have been, are you doing your fair share?  Are you doing more than your share? Could you possibly mentor a new member in your congregation to take on one of your ministry opportunities so that you don't become as exhausted and as discouraged as your pastor?


A church that is thriving and growing will be busy about making disciples.  Disciples in turn make disciples. They are trained and equipped by leaders that Jesus himself said he had given to the church. The pastor is not the only leader Jesus has given.  How many of our churches are treating our pastors like a hired work-horse?  The pastor's job is to train you and equip you. Your job, as a disciple, is to accomplish The Great Commission within the area of influence the Lord has placed you in with your family, friends, and neighbors-even to the ends of the world!