Parental Rights Stripped from Texas Couple Over Minor Child’s Decision to Abort -- Legislative Action Needed to Protect Parental Rights

by Dawn Irons

    We never could have imagined the conversation that would happen just moments after the guests were leaving our super bowl party in 2011.  Our daughter’s boyfriend came to us and said, “we need to talk.” Our daughter stood just behind him with her head down. I knew in an instant what was about to be said. So I simply asked, “Are you pregnant?” I was braced and prepared for a “yes”. I knew this is something we could get through as a family.  What I was not prepared for was, “Yes and I am having an abortion.”

    We reassured her that was not a good answer and that we would get her through this. I scheduled her a doctor’s appoint for the following morning and it was confirmed. She was pregnant. We started noticing her behavior becoming more angry. Any conversation we had with her became explosive-- or her end and mind. My husband was the voice of reason and seemed to be a calming influence on her.

    She was so insistent that she was having an abortion that we asked her to at least go to the local pregnancy center and get counseling on all her options. She agreed. I began praying like never before. I felt l ike I was losing my mind. The very thought of her having an abortion brought up so much of the personal trauma I went through in losing 7 babies in miscarriage. I simply could not wrap my mind around how my daughter could come to the conclusion that this would be a good solution.

    I was concerned for her emotional well-being as well. She had experienced major trauma in her own life and we had spent several years helping her work through the trauma and the resulting self-injury she inflicted on herself to help ease her emotion pain. She was prone to great anxiety attacks and wrestled with depression. I knew that her going through an abortion would only magnify this by adding even more trauma upon the existing trauma.

    There were times we did not know what was going on with her. She was shut down like Fort Knox. No information was going in and none was coming out. We noticed she was on the internet and phone a lot but could never figure out with who.

Taking It to the Next Level

    During one of our conversations about other options available to her besides abortion and begging her to read the medical information about post-abortion syndrome, she finally yelled at me and said, “I’m having an abortion and there is nothing you can do to stop me. I can get a judicial bypass so I don’t need your consent!”

    This is the first time I had ever heard of a judicial bypass. I was standing on the firm conviction that the Texas Parental Consent Law would protect us on this issue! I could not have been more wrong!
    I began researching what this judicial bypass was and it was terrifying to discover that a judge could just simply override parental consent if he felt the child was mature enough to make the decision and was knowledgeable enough about the procedure.

    Make no mistake, my daughter is highly intelligent! She began reading at age three and was reading Nancy Drew chapter books at age 5 with full comprehension. Intelligent? Yes! Mature? She would have full blown panic attacks just to walk inside a 7-11 alone to purchase a pack of gum.

    What infuriated me most was that a judge could override parental consent based on one conversation with the child and have NO knowledge himself of her medical or mental health history. Neither of which have anything to do with her intellect! She was and is still a brilliant woman! I knew the trauma my daughter had been through at a young age. I watched her go through years of counseling and therapy to help with her self-injury and depression. I also knew this judge was not going to be there to pick up the pieces of my daughter’s broken life when it would finally hit her that she killed her child.

    One day, out of the blue, I decided to go home for lunch. Upon arrival I noticed my daughter home during the middle of her school day. I asked what she was doing home and her behavior became concerning. She was making secret phone calls and looked a bit panicked.  So I cancelled my client appointments that day and stayed home which further angered her. I knew something was up, but could not figure out what.

    I began putting the pieces of the puzzle together.  She had gotten in touch with a pro-choice group in Austin who had provided her with an attorney at no charge and this lawyer was on her way to pick up my minor daughter at my home. I told my daughter I was not going anywhere and that I was going to wait to talk to the attorney myself and let her know that if she took my daughter anywhere it would be without my permission and consent and that I would file kidnapping charges on her since my child was still a minor! I knew a lawyer could understand that concept!

    After further conversation between my daughter and the lawyer, she decided it was best not to confront the parent. I later was told by my daughter that the lawyer had made arrangements to pick her up at school-- without our consent or the school’s permission to leave campus!

    I remember thinking how surreal this was. How could it be possible in Texas that a judge could strip parental rights from someone without knowing the medical or mental health history of someone?

    I began researching pro-life groups and asking for help. I was referred to Life Dynamics Incorporated in Denton, Texas  (940) 380-8800. They were able to put me in touch with some lawyers who volunteered to take our case on pro-bono to help us fight the judicial bypass.  We learned that we were too late. During the time we were trying to attain legal representation my daughter’s attorney had already taken her before the judge in Fort Worth who stripped our parental rights. The judicial bypass was faxed to the abortion mills in the DFW area and were told that if my daughter were to show up at any clinic that she had legal permission to get an abortion without parental consent. It seemed all our legal recourses were gone. We had no way to stop our daughter at this point. Our parental rights were stripped from us with the swipe of a judge’s pen.

The Battle Was Far From Over-- God vs.
the Pro-Choice Establishment

    With all legal recourse gone, I knew it was time to seriously amp up the prayers from anyone willing to pray on behalf of my daughter and the baby within. We were in a situation that only God could intervene and turn around now.

    Unknown to me at the time, my daughter had already gone to the abortion clinic and had her pre-abortion sonogram and they determined she would have to have the abortion that week due to her measuring 13 weeks. She made the appointment for the next day.

    Unaware that was what was going on behind the scenes, I had contacted a pro-life leader named Pam Stenzel who had a national audience and shared our story and asked her to send a call for prayer out to her partners.  She wrote back and said she had over 5000 responses from 14 countries who were praying for my daughter and her baby. We had friends, family, and a praying church standing side-by-side with us in the battle over the lives of my daughter and her son.

    The power of prayer should never be underestimated! My daughter had no idea so many people were praying. In retrospect, we know it was the hand of God that intervened! My daughter showed up for the abortion procedure that she had scheduled for the next day when they told her she was measuring 13 weeks.
    As people were storming the gates of Heaven in prayer and intercession for my daughter and her baby, the doctor began to prepare for the abortion. As she began the sonogram to start the procedure -- she had to stop. The baby that had measured 13 weeks the day before was now measuring 16 weeks and it was illegal to perform the abortion at this clinic.

    People continued to pray. My daughter was having to wrestle through deciding if she wanted to go though a late-term abortion. People were praying she would feel the baby kick or have a heart-change. I was still unaware of all these happenings behind the scenes in her world. 

    As we look back, my daughter said it was that week that she started having a change of heart and made the decision to keep and parent her baby! As 5,000+ people from 14 countries began to pray, God moved and saved baby Jesse’s life! Jesse was saved from the death-sentence that was scheduled by divine intervention. But even more impressive than that, the love of the body of Christ that interceded on behalf of my daughter and her baby ended up saving them BOTH!  My heart warms every time I see my daughter hug and kiss her son as she tells him, “You saved my life!”           

Pregnant By Rape: Heather Gemmen's Story

by Heather Gemmen

    My husband had gone to a meeting at church and my children were asleep down the hall when a stranger entered my bedroom, waking me from a deep sleep.  Through the dim light reflecting from the hallway, I saw his silhouette—and vaguely understood that a tall, black man with thick arms stood a few feet away.

    I didn’t scream. For a few seconds, I didn’t really understand what was happening. “Who are you?” I asked.

    I might have rolled over and disappeared back into my dreams, but the ugliness of his laugh shocked me into wakefulness. I sat up quickly, and he yanked a knife out of his pocket.

    “Oh, no,” I whispered, holding my hands up toward him as if sheer willpower would keep him away. “No. Don’t do this.”

    Someone once told me that after she was raped she felt like she joined a secret club she never wanted to be part of. I cried when she said it, because it was true for me too. Suddenly I knew things in a profound way I didn’t want to know at all — things like shame, and doubt, and fear. And I knew how much ugliness there was in this world.

    It has been over a decade since the rape, and I’ve experienced many life changes since then. I gave birth to a precious baby girl, conceived that fateful night, and she is now my daily reminder of God’s restorative love. We adopted a little boy we knew from our inner-city neighborhood where we lived—and he now towers over me, a godly young man who brings much laughter to our family.

    Eight years after the rape, my husband, who had joined me in joyously welcoming our daughter and who still loves her today, suddenly abandoned the marriage—and I am now building a new home and blended family. I’ve moved from Michigan to Colorado to Indiana. I’ve experienced the death of loved ones and the birth of a grandchild. Yet through all those changes, one thing has remained constant in my life: God’s faithful love. And I see now how much more beauty exists in this world than ugliness, even when life is hard.

    I don’t know what secret club you have joined, but I am confident that God is in it with you, loving you and drawing you to him. I pray that you too will be startled by beauty.

    -- Heather Gemmen Wilson is a rape survivor who is raising her daughter who was conceived out of rape. 

    She's the author of Startling Beauty: My Journey from Rape to Restoration and speaks internationally on the subject of hope and forgiveness.  Visit her website at www.heathergemmen.com.

Conceived in Rape: The Jenni Maas Story

Reprinted with permission from Human Life International
http://www.humanlife.org/abortion_jenni_story.php

    I first began to recognize that I had a story to tell when I was attending a public Junior High school in Forest Lake, MN.  Frequently the abortion topic would come up with friends and on occasion teachers would talk about why abortion should remain legal.  I would always cringe a little when they would say, "I  don't like abortion.  I think it is wrong . . .  except in cases of rape and incest," or "We really have to keep abortion legal for cases of rape and incest."

     My mom had slowly been revealing the circumstances of my conception to me over the years and by the time I was 13, I understood and had come to grips with the reality that my father was, essentially, a rapist. He was 18, as was my mother, at the time of my conception.   Though he had most likely acted out of a dare by his friends, he had violated my mother against her will.

    When my mom found out she was pregnant with me, the only advice she was given was to discard the "products of conception." She explains how she was never offered support to keep me, though this is where her heart was leading her. Needless to say, I am eternally grateful that she heeded that still, small voice in her heart that told her the life growing within her had a purpose and did not deserve death.

    When the topic of rape and incest came up throughout junior high and high school, I would usually first try to appeal to reason saying: "Why don't you like abortion? What is wrong with it?" When they would answer "Because, it's a life" some would immediately recognize the double standard and relent. Most of the time, however, even when faced with their own illogical statements, they would still persist with emotional arguments: "You can't make a woman go through with a pregnancy like that." Though it is an unjust and heart wrenching scenario to consider, it must be dealt with, and so I would tell them our story. Only once in high school did a person who heard this story turn away cold-faced. Every other person who was confronted with "a face" allowed their heart to melt at the truth of the matter-God has a plan for everyone!

    As my husband and I anticipate the birth of our own baby soon, I am continually discovering God's magnificent plan, not only for my life, but also for every life that he calls into existence. It is crucial that every citizen realize that a person's dignity is not founded in whether or not one is wanted, as abortion peddlers and legislators would like them to believe. A person's dignity is founded in the reality that persons are created in the image and likeness of God. The circumstance of my conception or yours does not determine the quality of our lives.

    Young people across the nation and around the world are increasingly recognizing the double standards of abortion rhetoric. They see that all the promises of the so-called "sexual revolution" are coming up empty. Young people are renewing the pro-life movement with an enthusiastic determination to bring about a "Culture of Life."

    By the grace of God, my mom (and I) were spared the life-long, direct agony that abortion brings. However, when you consider Planned Parenthood's grisly statistic that 40% of all women in the U.S. will have an abortion by the age of 40 (mothers, daughters, aunts, grandmothers, granddaughters, cousins, wives) every American citizen has been touched by the grief of abortion directly or indirectly.         

Therefore, every one of us has an obligation to stand up! I am thrilled to be a part of the generation that WILL turn the cultural tide so that following generations will be spared this unjust suffering.

For Life,
Jenni Maas

What I Wish My Friends Understood About the Grief Process

by Dawn Irons

    Grief…it is facing the harsh reality of something you'd rather run from. It is dealing with emotions that you have yet to define. It is being angry, sad, and relieved all in the same moment. It is a very natural part of life. Grief is something to be experienced, not ignored. It is to be embraced, then dealt with, and ultimately released into the hands of God. It is part of growing and maturing as we walk in this life.

    Yet many well-meaning people have tried to shelter the people they love from ever feeling the sting of grief. They believe that if they can keep their loved ones from focusing on the pain that the pain will go away.  In fact, it is the very process of grieving that brings the healing that their loved one so desires and needs to experience.

    I wrote this open letter to my friends to try and help them understand why the grieving process was important.  Although this letter is specific to my experience of having multiple miscarriages, I think the heart of the letter encompasses the experience of loss of a loved one at any age.  I hope you find this letter helpful as you work through your own grieving process or are helping another person who is grieving.  The questions addressed in this letter come from a variety of questions asked over the years by several different people.

Dear Friend,

    We lost our baby today. We named her Caitlyn Elizabeth. She was fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God. Though we only had her 8 weeks within my womb, she was a blessing to our family. She was knit together in my womb by a Mighty Creator. He planned her life from the foundations of the world. Her life had an eternal purpose and not an earthly one. She joins her other brothers and sisters who will join her at the Throne of Grace as they live an existence of worship before our Abba Father.  Each baby we lost had a name. If you don't mind, I'd like to share their names with you. As a mother, it does my heart good to hear people call my children by name instead of referring to them as "a miscarriage".  Their names are Samuel Zechariah, Hannah Grace, Michaela Dianne, Jeremiah Daniel, Josiah David and now we add to the heavenly quiver, Caitlyn Elizabeth. [We lost Michael Gabriel after this letter was originally written in 2002.]

    I know you cannot fully understand why we "continue to let this happen". But it is the very nature of your question that lets me know you truly do not understand why we continue to trust God with this area of our life. For us, it is a matter of Lordship. We believe God is fully trustworthy in every area of our life… even if the outcome is not as we had hoped. His ways are higher than our ways. He cannot go against His own word. His word says that He created these babies with a plan and a purpose. Much to my heartache, His plan was different than my desire for these babies. But this is not the first time my will has been somewhat different that God's. But I know His will enough to know that He must increase and I must decrease.

    You have also told me, time and time again, almost after every infant loss, to just be grateful for the kids I do have. I know in my heart of hearts that you mean to encourage me by that statement. But if I may, please let me explain how that feels to a person who is grieving the loss of their child. If you were to lose one of your children and someone told you to just remember the blessing that your husband and marriage have been, wouldn't that seem a bit odd? The love and blessing of your marriage have nothing to do with the loss you feel for your child. Neither do my living children have anything to do with the loss I feel for the one who died. I need to grieve for the one I lost so that I can move forward with the children that are still living. If you deny me the ability to grieve this loss, it makes me feel you have totally dismissed this baby's life. It may be easier for you to pretend this baby did not exist because you do not want to see me hurt, but I have to grieve this loss so I can heal and move on. I wish that you understood that. Grieving is not a bad thing.  I try to stay strong for you sometimes because you cannot fathom how someone could lose so much and still continue to trust God… but it is in the ability to grieve that God holds me in the palm of His hand and I experience the true Balm of Gilead. I wish you could understand that.

    Grief does not separate me from God, but rather draws me close and more intimately to Him. I used to wonder why that was. How can so much pain cause me to grow closer to God? It was as if God Himself lifted my face, wiped my tears and said, "I know what it is like to lose a child." To be honest, that just says it all for me! I know intimacy with God in my grief because He did the most intimate thing of all in giving Jesus as a sacrifice for my sins. That was God's ultimate act of reconciling Himself to us all. He knows my pain….and He cares deeply. For whatever reason, God chose to use my husband and I in the miracle of creating another soul that worships Him day and night before the Throne. I cannot explain His reasons for that, nor would I deny Him the opportunity to create a covenant life in my womb. Granted, if He is taking votes, I choose to hold the next one in my arms! But I pray that you will someday understand that the miracle is no less a miracle if the soul that is knit together in my womb is born in Zion for no other purpose that to worship before the Father.

    You told me once that I shouldn't worry because I could go on to have other children. Again, I am sure you meant well, but that truly hurt. I am very open to God giving us other children. You know me well enough to know that. But if you really want to help me get through this difficult time, allow me to talk about Caitlyn Elizabeth. God created her and allowed us to be blessed with her earthly presence for 8 short weeks. Her life mattered in our family and matters in eternity. We will see her again someday. We do grieve deeply, but not as the world grieves; as though they have no hope.  We know where our hope lies. It only causes more pain if you dismiss this child and pretend she never existed. It is only though this grieving that we can celebrate her very short life… and that is important to us. Can I ask a favor? When we talk about this loss in the future, it would mean a lot to me if we could refer to the time when I lost "Caitlyn", and not the time when I had "the miscarriage". I think in the end, we will both be better off for acknowledging the precious gift of life God gave us.

    I so appreciate your words of comfort. I know you only mean the very best. Yet there is so much I wish you understood about the grieving process.  You told me once that the reason I keep losing these babies is because it is not God's time for me to have a baby. If there is anything I understand about conception, it is that sperm and egg alone do not make a baby! That thinking is pure folly! Just ask any couple that has struggled with infertility. I remember the deep Biblical truth of Rachel crying out to Jacob, "Give me a child or else I die!" and Jacob in all his wisdom simply replies, "Am I in the place of God, who has withheld the fruit of your womb?" Oh that we could truly realize the truth of that statement!  God alone has the power to open and close the womb. I know many who have purposely tried to close their womb via means of birth control only to end up with a baby still. Yes, there are some instances where God will override our free will on the matter.

God has chosen from the foundations of creation every soul that will be created.  He takes personal responsibility for creating those souls in the wombs of the mothers. So to say that it is not God's time for me to have a baby, I'd have to ask in return, "How do you think that baby got there?" God is the one who takes credit for knitting these souls together in the mother's womb. Psalm 139 goes as far as to say that all our days were numbered even BEFORE we were knit together in the womb. God had these babies planned and purposed in His heart even while the Spirit hovered over the waters in Genesis chapter one. Even then Samuel Zechariah, Hannah Grace, Michaela Dianne, Jeremiah Daniel, Josiah David, Caitlyn Elizabeth and Michael Gabriel were on His mind. Their plan and purpose was already stated!           

Only God could have known their purpose was to be created for heavenly worship of the Father. So please know and understand it was God's perfect timing for these babies.  We just have to face the harsh reality; God's will for these children was different than our will for them. And yet their heavenly purpose here on earth was fully completed in God's eyes. I am often left to wonder if their earthly purpose was to create a deeper faith in me… or maybe even in you. You have walked through these trials with me as a very faithful friend. I cannot help but think you have grown in faith right alongside me.

    Do you remember the time when I lost the twins? Jeremiah and Josiah… what a tough time. Of all the losses that was the most unique situation. I actually birthed their tiny little bodies.          

 Losing a baby by miscarriage brings a whole new dimension when you have a body to deal with. We had no idea what to do. The hospital said they would just throw the baby in the trashcan of hazardous waste material since it was just "tissue". In all my life I never saw "tissue" that looked so fully human! You could see his head, his eyes, his spine… there was no doubt he was a baby, not tissue. We refused to let the hospital dispose of the baby. The only thing our conscience would allow was for us to bury the babies… only it was too late to get Jeremiah's body back. So we left with Josiah's body in a specimen cup and began planning a funeral.

    I remember you being very uncomfortable with the idea of a funeral for a miscarried baby. You said that you were not certain how other people would react and you feared this would be a stumbling block for a "weaker brother". I wracked my brain trying to figure out what you meant by that, yet I was too hurt to ask. By the time I had gone through the grieving process it seemed so far removed to bring it up so late after the fact. But since we are sharing our hearts here, do you mind if I ask you some questions about that now?

    I went and looked up the passage you were referring to about the weaker brother in Romans chapter 14. The whole chapter was about not allowing our liberties to cause another brother to sin. I really tried to understand your analogy, but I was truly lost. Why did you feel that by burying my baby it would cause another weaker brother in our church to sin?

    I was so concerned that I would offend you or someone else that we truly limited the people we invited to the funeral. I could not figure out why anyone would be offended unless they felt that the "miscarriage" was not truly a human soul, a baby.  I know that no one would be offended at the burial of a baby that was "born" so I just could not understand at all why burying my miscarried baby would cause someone to sin or stumble. That was the only conclusion I could come up with. Please forgive me for waiting so long to ask you this… but it just seemed too much time had passed to ask before, and now that we are at this point of loss again, it just crossed my mind to ask.  Is there truly an issue people in our church body that do not see the unborn as human souls? Please hear my heart when I say this. If that is the case, don't you think would be a doctrinal error that would need to be addressed from the pulpit and the truth concerning the sanctity of human life taught?

    My precious pastor once preached a sermon that was like a healing balm to my soul. It was about a woman named Rizpah in the Old Testament that kept guard over the bodies of her sons that had been publically hanged. She watched over those corpses for months and shewed away the birds of the air that would try to eat the flesh of her children. I think my pastor understood more than anyone in the world that day why I simply could not let them throw my baby's body in the trash. Even in death, as a mother, I had an instinct that would not allow harm to come to my child's remains. A proper Christian burial was essential in our grieving and healing process. And though you did not feel comfortable attending the service, I know in your own way you prayed for us to have closure and that you truly grieved with us for our loss.

    It is only because I love you so much, and because you have been so faithful to walk with us through all our heartaches and losses, that I even bother trying to explain all that I have. You are precious and dear to our family. I just hope and pray that this has somehow helped you understand a bit more about how and why we grieve.

With much love,
Dawn
                              

Can Your Children Find the Living Water?

by Dawn Irons

    Jesus answered and said to her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you 'Give me a drink' you would've asked Him and He would've given you LIVING WATER… Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I give shall never thirst again, but the water that I give him shall become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life."

    What an incredible responsibility we have been given as parents! Psalm 139:13 tells us that God has formed and fashioned these little ones in our womb. He has fearfully and wonderfully made them after His own image. What a treasure He has given us. As the scripture unfolds, we see that with great treasure comes great responsibility.

    I remember when my oldest son was beginning to ask deep questions about the Lord. I knew in that instant that I was dealing with a very sacred moment. I knew the Holy Spirit was ministering to his heart, and I was having the holy privilege of leading my son to the river of God where the LIVING WATER would never let him thirst again! His tender eyes were filled with tears as he looked on the picture in the Precious Moments Bible.  In the background there stood three crosses on the hill. In the foreground was a little boy kneeling down and touching a crown of thorns with a drop of blood rolling down.  He came to me saying, "Mommy, I have sin in my life, don't I?" He was three-and-a-half years old, so I was unsure of his concept of sin, but it was evident the Holy Spirit was ministering. I explained that we all have sinned and when we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior that we can be forgiven. I told him that when he got older that he would ask the Lord into his heart. I told him that he would know when the time was right and when he was ready.  He stopped me there in my tracks, "I am ready NOW, mommy!"

    My husband had been in the other room listening quietly to our private conversation. At that moment he appeared in the doorway, his 3-year-old son with tears streaming down his cheeks and a mother holding her son and a Precious Moments Bible that ministered the Word through a picture (as my child could not read yet)… and my husband knelt down next to the bed and prayed with my son to receive Christ as Savior. We both had the privilege of leading our son to the Living Water.

    Society at large tries to tell parents that they are as significant as anyone else to lead their children in truth and education. It is not uncommon for parents to spend less than 3 hours a day in the presence of their children after work, school, homework, and other responsibilities. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 states, "And these words which I am commanding you today shall be on your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your children and you shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up."

    In short, parenting these great treasures that God has given us requires the responsibility of time and attention.  We have to be diligent that our time with this is a "living epistle" that points the way to the Living Water. Leading our children to drink of that water freely, of their own desire, will be our greatest holy privilege this side of Heaven. How sad would it be for us to gain the whole world, climb the corporate ladder, have smart business savvy, yet lose the very ones God has fashioned in our wombs.

    Parenting is a battle in the midst of a world that has its demands. Let's not lose our children in the crossfire.  In 1973, Dr. Pierce of the Harvard School of Education challenged his future teachers to make "well" all the "sick" children who hold to godly values when he told his students, "Every child in America entering school at the age of five is mentally ill because he comes to school with certain allegiances towards our founding fathers, towards our elected officials, towards his parents, towards a belief in a supernatural being, and towards the sovereignty of this nation as a separate entity. It's up to you teachers to make all of these sick children well by creating the international children of the future."

    Look at your children as God's spiritual heritage and make sure you have paved the way to Living Water in a well-worn path that they can easily find. We live in this world and the battle rages on… lead them to the Living Water and they will never thirst again!

   

They Said They Were Pro-Choice, But Really Gave Me No Choice at All: My Experience with the Abortion Industry

by Laura Irons

    Recent legislation has sparked vicious debate over abortion. It's divided even close friends into taking the over-simplified title of "Pro-Life" or "Pro-Choice". I've witnessed many of these debates myself without joining in. The one thing I can say is, it's rarely ever been pretty. One side argues for the rights of women, while the other begs for the life of their unborn children. Often times the issue will be muddied by the subjects of rape, ectopic pregnancies, incest, underage mothers, life-threatening pregnancies, unhealthy fetuses, and many other things that aren't easy to talk about. Yes, these issues deserve careful consideration and compassion. However, they're often used as red herrings to distract from what the majority of abortions really are - women who have gotten pregnant and don't want to, or aren't able to, deal with the consequences.

    Before I go on, let me say that I am speaking from personal experience. I want to make it clear that I am not judging, condemning, or casting aspersions on any woman that has sought abortion for an unwanted pregnancy. I've been there myself, and while each situation is different, I understand the fear, anger, heartbreak, and confusion that can all play a part in making this decision. My only intent is to offer a personal account of my experience with the abortion industry, in hopes that others can avoid some of the situations I encountered.

    I was barely 17 when I discovered that I was pregnant. The father was my on-again-off-again boyfriend. We were always fighting, and had broken up repeatedly. I was halfway through my senior year, a straight-A honor student, a gifted musician, and gearing up for a four- year university after graduating with honors. I stayed in denial for as long as I could. Even after a month of morning sickness, a missed cycle, exhaustion and weight gain, I was too scared to take a pregnancy test. I held onto the impossible notion that ignoring the issue would make it go away.

    One night, my boyfriend decided to tell my parents, "we need to talk". I wasn't ready to talk and refused to tell them why he would've said that. But when my mom asked if I was pregnant, I broke down and said I thought I might be. We set a doctor's appointment for the next day, and it confirmed my fears.
     All through high school I had looked at all the pregnant girls with huge bellies and frequent sick days. Many of them dropped out soon afterwards. My biggest fear had always been a teenage pregnancy. And now, my worst fear had been realized.

    My parents, though shocked and slightly afraid, were not angry. I come from a Christian, pro-life family and they were nothing but supportive. I remember them saying they wished I had made different choices, but that it wasn't the end of the world, and they would help me every step of the way to make sure my baby and I were healthy and happy. But I was still scared and angry. I had never felt so trapped or hopeless in my life. I didn't want my life ruined by a teen pregnancy. I wanted an abortion.

    My mother had several miscarriages and became physically ill at the thought of me having an abortion. We fought and debated and argued. My parents couldn't understand why I would want to kill the child growing inside me. I knew nothing about babies or pregnancy, and I thought of the fetus as a parasitic blob of tissue for the first several months.

    Actually getting the abortion became my sole focus. I had no car, no license, no money, and nobody to help me get it. I was too young to get one without parental consent. But through the internet I found out about the Judicial Bypass. It was an order from a judge that allowed underage girls to get abortions if they could prove that 1) they understood the process and possible consequences, and 2) having a baby would have a significantly negative impact on their life.

    I began the process, filled out the application, and was soon in touch with lawyers that would help me get the process done at no charge to me. This was fully funded by pro-choice advocates. It required two or three meetings before I spoke to the judge. It also required me to get proof of pregnancy, a sonogram, and counseling from a local clinic.

    During this time period I hid anything related to the judicial bypass from my parents. One night they took me to the Arlington Pregnancy Center to get counseling on what my choices were. I thought, "this is a pro-life center, and they're going to say abortion is terrible."  What I found was the polar opposite from my expectations. The counselor that spoke to me personally listened to all of my reasons and concerns. She let me tell her everything about my life. She shared her own story of having an abortion at a young age and how it affected her life. She offered me flyers, brochures, and information on resources for girls in my position. I watched a video that walked me through the options of parenting the child, putting the child up for adoption, or aborting the child. It contained honest testimonies from women that had chosen each option and how they felt about it. Afterwards, they gave me a free sonogram and let me see the baby. I remember watching the movement of the fetus and realizing that it was a baby, with limbs, eyes, a heartbeat, and obviously my hyperactivity. The women prayed for me, cried with me, and gave me their personal cell numbers. They offered support and counseling whether I chose to keep the baby or abort. Most importantly, they offered me hope.

    In the days afterwards, my relationship with my parents went into a downward spiral. I became depressed. I was sick, exhausted, and could no longer feel the spark of hope I'd felt at the pregnancy center. Before long, I was back in touch with the lawyers. I told them my parent's thoughts on the issue and that I had no transportation. On the day I was to speak with the judge, one lawyer picked me up from school in the middle of the day without permission from my parents or the school. She took me to the courthouse. I spoke to the female judge eloquently, and she expressed surprise at my maturity, intelligence and composure. She granted the bypass without any hesitation. I had never felt such accomplishment and despair at the same time. When I was handed the official judicial bypass, the lawyer high-fived me and then took me to Sonic for lunch. She dropped me back off at school with her business card, and I never saw her again.

I had to take a taxi to the women's clinic. I had to receive a sonogram and counseling from them before I could go through with the abortion. The building was in a bad part of town and was not in good repair. I was alone in an ugly part of a big city, and no one knew where I was. A sense of uneasiness latched on to me. When I walked in, I was greeted by a woman with a shaved head that seemed to hate her job. She was cold and unfriendly, refusing to make eye contact. She gave me the routine paperwork and told me to sit down and wait. I sat in the empty waiting room watching Jerry Springer on TV for almost an hour.

    The visit was a blur. The doctor rushed through the sonogram and refused to let me see the screen. She told me I was about 13 weeks along and would have to get the abortion within the next week. I set an appointment for the next day. I didn't have enough money to take a taxi home, and had no ride. In a panic, I called home. My mom refused to get me. My brother didn't want me in that part of town alone, but my mom wouldn't let him borrow the $5 he needed for gas to get there. Though he didn't support my decision, he pawned his Xbox to have the gas money to come get me. The whole ordeal had me even more convinced that I had made the right choice.

The next morning, I had to be part of a phone conference where a doctor explained the procedure. There were so many women on the line, I couldn't hear a thing. The doctor spoke quietly in a monotone voice as I struggled to hear him through the sounds of chatter, arguing, children crying, and lawnmowers. I left the conference with no better understanding than when I started.

    I had to take yet another taxi to the clinic for my appointment to abort. As I pulled up, I saw a parking lot full of people. They were holding graphic signs of bloody, dismembered babies. Some signs assured me that I was going to hell and there would be no redemption for people like me. The crowd was screaming and yelling at us, but it was unintelligible. They seemed more like an angry mob than sidewalk counselors. By the time I made it inside, I was shaking.

    After waiting what seemed like forever, I was called to the back. The same doctor as before performed another sonogram on me to double check the size and weight of the fetus. I started to feel relief that it was almost over, but then I saw her face.

    She told me to get up and wait in the hall. I sat there, confused and scared. I overheard her arguing with the nurse. Apparently, the baby that had measured in at 13 weeks the day before was measuring 16 weeks today and there was no way they could legally perform the abortion. After re-doing the sonogram with another nurse, the doctor gave me the number for a late-term abortion clinic and told me to leave. She was visibly angry. As I walked out, I heard her telling the nurse how stupid it was that they were going to lose funding over faulty machinery. I called the taxi again and sat in the waiting room till it arrived. As I walked out, the previously raging protestors just stared at me silently. For the first time all day, they had nothing to say. Between the judgments of the protestors, the behavior of my own parent, and the way the clinic staff treated me once they found out I couldn't abort, I hit an all-time low.

    I spent the rest of the pregnancy in a deep depression. I wore giant sweaters in the middle of summer and hid it from as many people as possible. But once I started reading books on pregnancy and feeling the baby start kicking around, and even getting hiccups, my heart changed. I finished the last half of my senior year in two weeks at a self-paced school for at-risk youth. I got my diploma. Just before my 18th birthday, I had a beautiful, healthy baby boy. I had my diploma, my family back, a beautiful child, and even started college within a few months.

    My son is about to turn two years old. I've been able to work, go to school, and excel as a musician and artist. My family and church have been nothing but loving and supporting every step of the way. It wasn't easy. I battled post-partum depression, major anxiety, and many other issues. But every time I hear that little voice say "Mommy", I realize I'd do it all over again. The doctor at the clinic was angry that she couldn't do the abortion because of 'faulty equipment'. Looking back, it seems more like divine intervention. My son has made such an impact on me that my life has done a complete 180. Before the pregnancy, I had everything together on the surface, but was self-destructing on the inside. I wrestled with drugs, alcohol, abusive relationships, self injury, and many other things that weren't apparent to anyone. Since then, I've discovered a whole new sense of hope, joy, and purpose that I never had before.

    An unplanned child can still be a blessing to you, or to a family that desperately wants a child and can't have one. I have nothing but compassion for women that either have had or are considering abortion. I used to be adamantly pro-choice myself. But I've experienced firsthand that pro-choice doctors are about money, and almost nothing more. They offered me no choice at all, only reasons that I should abort at their clinic. And when I couldn't do it, they tossed me out like trash.

    My life has not turned out how I thought it would. It's turned out better than I could've imagined. It's been difficult, crazy, and abnormal. But in the end, it's all working out for the best. I do not advocate teen pregnancy. But if you do find yourself in that situation, make sure you REALLY know what your choices are. Listen to the people that give you hope. Now that I'm past the fear and panic of unplanned pregnancy, I can honestly say that the baby I wanted to kill saved my life in the end.
               

Politics or Love-- Texas HB 2

by Julie Ziglar Norman

    I didn't go to Austin, Texas because I am a political mover and shaker.  When I found out I was making the trip all I knew was that I had very personal reasons for wanting House Bill 2 to pass, and nobody was more surprised to find herself in the overcrowded press room of Lieutenant Governor David Dewhurst than I was. 

    The point of HB2 is to insure better health care for women seeking abortions.  The bill, which does not remove a woman's right to choose abortion, does take into account the pain a fetus can suffer during an abortion beyond the 20th week of gestation(1) and it limits abortions to that time frame for humane reasons. 

    I went to Austin to tell my story so women who believe what I believed when I had my abortions can make a more informed decision.  I want them to know what the abortion clinic doctors don't tell their patients and that the care I got was cruel, not kind or caring.  Women deserve better.   

    I am a Christian, but even if I wasn't that would not change what I have to say about abortion.  I am in the minority of women who choose on their own, without the influence of a friend, a parent, a boyfriend, a husband, or a sexual molester, to have an abortion.  Literally 63% of women say they would not have had their abortion(2) if their boyfriend or husband had not threatened to leave them or if they had not been pushed, forced and even had their own lives threatened if they failed to do so.  The truth is, abortion is far more often the "unchoice" than the "choice" prochoice advocates promote. 

    My question is this:  Is the law that makes abortion legal really a law that is for women, or does it simplify things for the men who impregnated us?  I want to add here that I am not a man hater or basher.  I know many men who are deeply wounded by the abortions they were unable to prevent and many who suffer because they participated in or influenced the mother of their child to abort and later regretted it.  I am saying that documented studies support the fact that most babies are aborted because someone other than the mother of the child wants the "problem" to go away.

    I am grateful to Allen E. Parker of The Justice Foundation for helping to make this and other hidden facts about abortion known.  He has collected the court-admissible testimonies of thousands of women who speak out about how their abortions hurt them both emotionally and physically.  Like them, I have a passion to help women avoid the life-changing devastation that I suffered after my abortions and I am grateful that Allen made it possible for me to share my story at the press conference Governor Perry asked for on Monday, July 1, 2013.  Here is what I shared:

    "My name is Julie Ziglar Norman.  Before my father, motivational speaker and author, Zig Ziglar died he encouraged me to publicly tell the truth about how abortion devastated me and hurt my living child and family. 

    I was a divorced mother of a four year old when I had my first unplanned pregnancy.  I wanted an abortion because I was afraid I could not support two children and I didn't want to bring shame on my family. From the time I was fourteen I had secretly been getting free birth control from free clinics and our public hospital.   I was taught that a fetus was not a baby and that abortion was another option if my birth control efforts failed.  Abortion was legal and I wanted one. 

    I made the decision alone and I went to the clinic alone.  The receptionist took half the cash I'd been asked to bring and told me to give the other half to the doctor.
When I entered his office, the doctor, whom I'd never met before and whom I never saw again, held out his hand and thumbed his fingers like so.  When I handed him the money he shook it at me and said "I love stupid women like you." 

    He did not ask me why I wanted an abortion or if I understood the procedure.  He did not go over the option of adoption or ask why I felt I could not have the baby.  He did not tell me that I would possibly suffer from debilitating depression, that I might have suicidal thoughts, that I would begin to withdraw my time and affection from the child I already had or that I would begin immediately to use alcohol to deal with the negative emotions, the suppressed grief and the shame and regret I felt but could not admit.

    How could I have been so wrong about something I thought I wanted?   I want women to know that while the law seduces us with what appears to be a solution to our problem pregnancy, the heart of motherhood and the language of our hormones scream out in the most primal way again the travesty of abortion … and we are left to pull ourselves out of the pit of emotional devastation, wondering why nobody told us the truth."

    I wholeheartedly believed a fetus was not a baby.  I didn't think I could make enough money to support another child.  I was glad abortion was an option and that I had a way out of bringing a very public shame on my father's good name.  I didn't give a moment's thought to the idea that the fetus might be a baby.  I kept my first and my second abortion a secret.

    What I did not anticipate was that my heart knew my babies were babies and my body knew those babies had lived…and died…and though I would not, could not acknowledge the pain of it, the regret of it or even the grief of it, I grieved at a level that defies all that I thought I believed.  Motherhood is a mysterious, inborn, natural compulsion to protect and nurture your offspring and my choice had violated what no law can regulate.  The consequences were mine, and my babies’.

    Unacknowledged loss manifested itself in the ways I described in my 2-minute talk: unrelenting depression, suicidal thoughts, alcohol abuse, the inability to work, a distancing from my daughter, an aversion to babies, the inability to later feel connected to my grandchildren, and the list goes on.    Of course it was completely lost on me that there was any connection between the emotional mess I was and the abortions I had.  As I said, how could something I believed in, supported and thought I wanted for myself have caused me so much pain?  

    Until I was invited in 2005 to attend a post-abortion counseling session and Bible study at a Pregnancy Resource Center, I was unaware that the dysfunctional symptoms I had been living with were classic symptoms of post-abortion syndrome, a form of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). 

    By the time my group completed the counseling and Bible study, I had, as strange as this may sound, made peace with my unborn children.  I had come to know them by name and I felt the same rich depth of love for Winnie Beth and Robert Curtis that I feel for my four living children.  I knew at the deepest level of my being the totality of the forgiveness God made possible for me through His Son Jesus Christ and I found that I was free, totally free, of the burden of the choice I had made.  Yes, I deeply regret my decision and I know I always will.  But today I am free from the secret, I am free from post-abortion symptoms and I can, from a place of genuine love and concern, tell women the truth that abortion hurts the women who have them. 

1.  http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/on-faith /wp/2013/06/21/pain-capable-unborn-child-protection-act-one-baby-step-for-humanity/

 2.  http://afterabortion
.org/2013/forced-abortion-sedation/    **   

**Also, download the "Forced Abortion Fact Sheet" at the bottom of the webpage**